Best Marriage jokes ever.

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True Relationship

Love without condition,
Talk without intention,
Listen without judging,
Give without reason and
Care without expectation.The last round of housecleaning

  1. A Man Lost his Wife In Tsunami
    One Drunk-Night ..
    while standing on the Seashore, waves touching
    on his feets .
    He shouted to the Sea: ‘No matter how many times your Waves Touch my Feet
    I’ll Never take her back .. !!
    Its your mistake..
    Deal With It Now…

  2. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life…!

  3. A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.” The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The bride replies, “I just gave the last blow job of my entire life.”

  4. Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
    Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
    Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
    Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it!
    $fresh new husband wife jokes in english very funny$

  5. On their 25th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Joseph was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Joseph, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” Joseph responds, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”

  6. When you are single you see happy couple every where,
    When u r married
    you see Happy Singles every where…………………….

  7. A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

  8. Banta: Why did you beat your wife so much?
    Santa: The ayurved told me to “beat properly” before administering the medicine to her!

  9. Husband: Want a quickie?                                                            Wife: As opposed to what?

  10. Banta: How the word “Wife” was invented?
    Santa: They took the first two and last two letters of “Wildlife”!

  11. A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad. ‘That happens everywhere.’

  12. Two Golden rules of Very Happy Marriage
    1-The wife is always right.
    2-When you feel she is wrong slap yourself and read rule number 1 again.
    Boys By the way this rules also applied on girlfriend.

  13. Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”

  14. Santa: I was a dude before marrying.
    Banta: And what are you now?
    Santa: Now I’m subdued!…………………..funniest husband wife jokes ever

  15. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”

  16. Wife is angry as hubby stands too close to a beautiful girl in bus, girl slaps him for pinching.
    Hubby to wife: I swear I didn’t .
    Wife: I know, I did it.

  17. Wife : “why are u home so early?”
    Hubby : “My boss said go to hell!”

  18. Doctor : How is your headache ?
    Patient : she’s out of town.

  19. Marriage is like a public toilet…Those waiting outside are desperate to get in &
    Those inside are desperate to come out.


  20. No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
    (1) Mobile
    (2) Automobile
    (3) TV
    (4) Wife
    Because, there is always a
    better model in neighborhood

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